I’ve already had inquiries regarding the severity of my situation. It’s more of an internal battle I guess you could say. The issue is non-life-threatening though is still medical in nature. I’ve been told that I shouldn’t be as distraught as I am about this – writing a blog about it, but at least I’m not out getting hammered each night (or any night for that matter) or out partying with other paraphernalia. I think it’s important to track my feelings on this blog. Yes, the medical issue can be taken as very personal but I don’t have anything to hide. OK that is not entirely true; we all have skeletons that we’ve never discussed with anyone – mine have occurred usually while in a drunken or drug induced stupor.  I apologize to anyone who I may have harmed in periods of weakness and stupidity.

I went to my Aquafit class today at LA Fitness.  It’s been awhile since I’ve been (I even lost my keycard – it’s MIA in my clean house).  Clean?  Yea right!  I’d like to make a trip there at least 3 times a week for the water class, however work definitely gets in the way.  I’m also going to do my best and join some other aerobic classes as well (ie boot camp conditioning, yoga, etc.)  Here’s hoping that I actually stick to something.  I may as well take my $ 2,000 bike out for a spin at some point as well.  It’d be better if I had someone to ride with.  I definitely want to get some tennis action in this summer.  (reminder:  call Amy).  I probably won’t be entertaining anyone any time soon so I may just throw a section of my sofa set in the dining room and start either Power 90, or Insanity, or P90X, or P90X2.  (or re-watch the entire Game of Thrones series)

High school was definitely an eye opener for me.  In my sophomore year, I took a trip to Spain with fellow classmates and that is where my whole world changed.  I was introduced to Sangria and Ducados.  Thus began my 10 years’ smoking habit.  Quitting that in 2002 was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.  After returning to the US, others probably took notice of the changes that I was going through – not for the better I might add.  I experimented with a lot of drugs from alcohol to marijuana to LSD to Shrooms to heroin to etc.  I only snorted, I never injected anything though.  I remember one day coming from some guy’s place off Monroe Ave completely ‘horsed’ out of my mind and mistook the accelerator for the brake and crashed my dad’s car.  A car had rammed right into my dad’s front wheel immobilizing it.  Luckily it was freezing that day.  The cops had come and I pretty much almost shit my pants having to talk to that guy PLUS I didn’t have my night license yet.  Got a ticket for that.  I can’t believe he didn’t notice that my friends and I were high as balls.  I have a lot of stories – some good, some bad, some funny, some sad, some I remember, some I can’t recollect.  Byron, Patrick, and myself.  Those were the days though I wouldn’t go back if my life counted on it UNLESS I were to go back with everything that I know now.

I had constant battles that I had lost with drugs and alcohol for many years.  I eventually overcame it but at what cost?  My father even threw out my high school yearbook from my graduating year because it contained so much negativity.

I wish that I could find my ‘Who Am I?’ paper that was written in 8th grade.

My dream before all this was to go to medical school and become either a cardiologist or a heart surgeon.  Most projects that I did in elementary school and junior high surrounded the basic anatomy and function of the human heart.  That was my dream.  That was what I was going to pursue.  My choices prevented that dream to come true though I could technically start over since this country is the land of second, third, fourth, nth chances but I don’t do very well in an academic setting and I would absolutely die in college if I had to go for another 7+ years.

My actual college career was for all the wrong reasons.  I went to Guilford College in Greensboro, NC, after graduating high school.  I remember not wanting to go directly into college but I was kind of forced to by my father.  That lasted one semester.  Know anyone else who had the high honor of leaving college with a .54 GPA?  It was quite an accomplishment.  Not.  Raves.  Parties.  Open bar till 8 AM because the guy we were partying with owned the bar.  Chapel Hill frat parties.   I had a long distance relationship with my then girlfriend when I first started at Guilford but upon my first return, I made sure that I broke up with her because I didn’t want to be the one who cheated.  It would have happened at some point.  There was one day that I recall where I woke up in some married woman’s bed, whose husband was out of town, completely naked after a rave on the other side of the freakin’ city.  Don’t ask me how I got there.  Don’t ask me what we did.  Don’t ask me what I found in my pockets on the way back.  However so, I got a lot of high fives that day in Milner Hall from my friends.  I was a mess though I can’t help but smile as I recall the best of times with my ol’ college buds way back when.  We’ve lost touch unfortunately.

Upon returning, I went from job to job (temp contract jobs), and program to program at MCC.  I was very indecisive about what I wanted to be and what I wanted to learn though most of the subjects that I found myself taking revolved somehow around mathematics (which I eventually majored in at Nazareth).

I eventually hit rock bottom in 1997. Another time, another tale.