The Science: (notes added by me will be denoted within [] blocks)

¹Chromosomes, found in all body cells, contain genes. Genes provide specific instructions for body characteristics and functions. For example, some genes determine height and hair color. Other genes influence language skills and reproductive functions. Each person typically has 23 pairs of chromosomes. One of these pairs (sex chromosomes) determines a person’s sex. A baby with two X chromosomes (XX) is female. A baby with one X chromosome and one Y chromosome (XY) is male.

²The most common abnormal chromosomal condition in humans is sex chromosome aneuploidy (SCA), or a variation in the usual number of sex chromosomes. Usually, there are 22 pairs of numbered chromosomes (from 1 to 22) and a pair of sex chomosomes (X or Y chromosomes) that normally give humans a total of 46 chromosomes. In human males, the X and the Y chromosomes form a pair, with the mother’s egg always contributing an X chromosome. The sex of the baby is determined by the sex chromosome of the father’s sperm, which can contained either an X or a Y chromosome. If the father’s sperm contributes a Y to the pair, the embryo develops as a male; if the sperm contributes an X to the pair, the embryo develops as a female.

When one extra chromosome is present, that pair is instead a threesome, known as a trisomy. Trisomies are often not survivable, and the embryo will spontaneously abort, or will be lost in miscarriage. Even when the trisomy condition is survivable, as it is with Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome) and Trisomy 18 (Edwards syndrome), the babies that are born have significant intellectual disability as well as serious health problems. SCA is the most survivable of the trisomies, and is not often associated with devastating disability. SCA affects an estimated 1 in 500 live births. By comparison, Down syndrome affects approximately 1 in 800 and Edwards syndrome, only 1 in 6000.

Klinefelter Syndrome

¹Klinefelter syndrome (KS) is a group of conditions that affects the health of males who are born with at least one extra X chromosome and is estimated to occur in approximately 1 in 600 male births. Most males with Klinefelter syndrome (47,XXY), also called XXY males, have two X chromosomes instead of one. The extra X usually occurs in all body cells. Sometimes the extra X only occurs in some cells, resulting in a less severe form of the syndrome. This is called a mosaicism, and is very common. Rarely, a more severe form occurs when there are two or more extra X chromosomes.

²Less common SCA conditions include Trisomy X, (47,XXX) or a female with three X chromosomes, which occurs in approximately 1 in 1,000 female births, and 47,XYY (occasionally called Jacob’s syndrome), a male with two Y chromosomes, which occurs in approximately 1 in 1,000 male births. Other sex chromosome aneuploid conditions include variations of Klinefelter syndrome and Trisomy X where there are two or more additional X or Y chromosomes, instead of just one additional X or Y chromosome, a these are much less common.

What are the signs and symptoms of Klinefelter syndrome?

¹Signs and symptoms can vary. Some males have no symptoms but a doctor will be able to see subtle physical signs of the syndrome. Many males are not diagnosed until puberty or adulthood. As many as two-thirds of men with the syndrome may never be diagnosed. Many men with mosaicism for XXY males do not have all of the signs and symptoms listed below.

²The almost universal finding in males with KS is testicular failure, which is the inability to make sufficient numbers of sperm and, in most, low testosterone levels. Becoming a father may be possible with complex and sometimes expensive treatment [not possible for me]. Although most adolescents with KS enter puberty normally, and begin producing testosterone, puberty is often incomplete because the testes begin to fail in the mid-teens. While most men with KS have a penis of normal size [thankful for this!], the testicles do not increase in size and are characteristically small. We also know that while many younger teens do produce viable sperm in the ejaculate through their mid-teens, this usually falls off precipitously early in puberty.

The other symptoms that characterize many males with Klinefelter syndrome include speech delay, low muscle tone and some difficulty with fine and gross motor skills, learning disabilities and social skill difficulties, including shyness and social withdrawal. Although boys with KS almost always develop functional language, expressive language, particularly written expression, may remain a challenge through life. Attention deficit disorder is more common in KS than in the general population, as are mood disorders and anxiety. Again, symptoms are highly variable from one individual to the next. While IQ may be slightly lower than that of siblings, on average about 15 points, intellectual disability (the preferred term for mental retardation) is rare, affecting less than 10 percent of those diagnosed with 47,XXY.

Signs and Symptoms by Age Group

* – I will display an asterisk on the ones that I had or do have

¹Infants and young boys may have:

• clinodactyly (curved little finger)
• hypertelorism (wide-spaced eyes)
• hypospadias or micropenis
• club foot / feet *
• polydactyly (having fingers or toes numbering greater than 5)
• Weak muscles *
• Speech and language problems, such as delayed speech *
• Problems with learning and reading *
• Problems fitting in socially *
• Mood and behavioral problems

Adolescents may ALSO have:

• Small, firm testicles *
• Enlarged breasts, called gynecomastia
• Long legs but a short trunk *
• Above-average height *
• Reduced muscle bulk *
• Sparse facial and body hair *
• Delayed puberty *
• Low energy levels *

Adults may ALSO have:

• Low testosterone (male hormone) levels [for me, only after age 37] *
• Infertility from a lack of sperm *
• Decreased sex drive [after age 37] *
• Problems getting or keeping an erection [after age 37] *
• Other difficulties, such as being unable to make plans or solve problems *

How is Klinefelter syndrome diagnosed?

¹Diagnosis is based on a physical examination, hormone testing, and chromosome analysis. The syndrome can also be diagnosed before birth but testing is not routinely done at that time.

When I was 36/37, I was dating a girl named Becky Frank Olsen who already had 2 kids ages 6 and 10. She mentioned that she would not object to having a third child with my complexion though of course, that isn’t in our control. However, I started noticing a trend that I felt that I needed to get checked out:

Between the ages of 19 and 25, I dated this one girl named Carrie Segar on and off. We were together for a couple of years, shit happened, she left, she had a kid, came home, we got back together for another couple of years and were engaged, and then things didn’t work out in the end (she gave me an ultimatum that I could not accept).

I met Briana Van Parys at the age of 30 and I believe we started dating when I was 31. We were together for 3 years and engaged, shit happened, she moved out, she had two kids, my best friends move to her home town, we got back together, and we’ve been together for nearly another 2 years though presently on a break.

I’m very surprised that I have never contracted any STDs considering the number of women that I have had intercourse with without using any type of protection. And yes, I do get tested (usually) after every partner.

The result from the testing done by the urologist is the news that I had shared way back in 2013. The urologist however only disclosed that Klinefelter syndrome was responsible only for the infertility and lack of testosterone production so I thought nothing of it and went 10 years before I really decided to research the damn thing. I started researching it in June 2023.

Health Problems Associated with Klinefelter Syndrome

Klinefelter syndrome can lead to weak bones (osteoporosis), varicose veins, and autoimmune diseases (when the immune system acts against the body), such as lupus or rheumatoid arthritis. XXY males have an increased risk for breast cancer and cancers that affect blood, bone marrow, or lymph nodes, such as leukemia. They also tend to have excess fat around the abdomen (which raises the risk of health problems), heart and blood vessel disease, and type 2 diabetes.

What is the treatment for Klinefelter syndrome?

Treatment can help males overcome many of the physical, social, and learning problems that are part of the syndrome. Males with Klinefelter syndrome should be seen by a team of health care providers. The team may include endocrinologists, general practitioners, pediatricians, urologists, speech therapists, genetic counselors, and psychologists. Surgery may be needed to reduce breast size. With treatment, men can lead very normal lives.

Experts recommend testosterone replacement, starting during puberty, for proper development of muscles, bones, male sex characteristics such as facial hair, and sexual function. Continued treatment throughout life helps prevent long-term health problems. Testosterone replacement does not cure infertility, however. Infertility treatments require specialized and costly techniques, but some men with Klinefelter syndrome have been able to father children.

Credit:
¹https://klinefelter.jhu.edu/
²”Living with Klinefelter Syndrome (47,XXY), Trisomy X (47,XXX), and 47,XYY” by Virginia Isaacs Cover MSW, 2012.

Turns out that all my health ailments can be attributed to the Klinefelter Syndrome. Every. Single. One. Here is the list:

• Congenital bilateral club foot of both feet
• Congenital anomalous origin of right coronary artery
• Hearing loss
• Klinefelter syndrome
• Hypertension
• Depression
• Infertility male
• Testis atrophy
• Low testosterone
• Primary localized osteoarthrosis, ankles and feet
• Other hammer toe
• Palpitations
• Atrial Fibrillation
• Family history of premature CAD
• Elevated hematocrit
• Hyperlipidemia
• Diabetes mellitus, type 2
• History of drug and alcohol use
• Hypogonadotropic hypogonadism
• Male erectile disorder
• ADHD (attention deficit disorder) – Combined type

Fuck.

My friend Megan on Facebook shared this story. Perhaps this led to my demise yesterday morning as well?

Why Robin Williams’ Death Is So Personal For Us All

— by Casey Mullins

With the news of Robins Williams’ suicide, why are so many of us taking it personally?

I always said that Julie Andrews would be the only celebrity whose death would make me cry.

Now I know that it is not so much that a celebrity dies, it’s how.

Robin Williams was found dead of apparent suicide Monday, August 11, 2014, following multiple reports over the past few months of another battle with depression and addiction. Just last month he checked himself into a rehab facility in Minnesota for some maintenance work on his successful 20+ years of sobriety. (He sought treatment again in 2006, after quitting drugs and alcohol in 1982.) Having dealt with depression for more than half of my life, I understand the importance of getting help before things become too hard to manage. I respect his decision to get help, and have always been thankful to have him as a spokesperson for depression, addiction, and mental illness.

But here’s the thing about his death that is hurting so many people right now: when someone who publicly advocates for a disease that you’re intimately familiar with decides the pain is too much to bear – even with every resource available to him – what hope is there for the rest of us who battle this disease on a daily basis? I don’t have money to “fine-tune” my addictive personality, hell, I don’t even have reliable health insurance.

I’ve been very open about my recent struggles with depression. I know I’m not alone in this fight and I know Robin Williams wasn’t either. I was just watching The Crazy Ones last night, grateful for the funny people in this world who make us laugh no matter the terrible pain we may personally feel. How could someone who made so many of us laugh throughout our lives see himself as useless to this world? It’s a rhetorical question, because while I know I’m important in the lives of my children, my family, and my friends, I still know exactly what it feels like to not want to exist anymore.

If you were a Robin Williams fan and still don’t believe depression is a disease that tricks its victims into believing terrible and crippling lies, let this be a wake-up call.

I’m only 32. I have an entire lifetime ahead of me that will never be free of mental illness. Most recently, I’ve been able to push that nagging thought aside relying on the “one day at a time” philosophy every morning when I get out of bed. It’s crippling to realize that depression could hurt even more than it has these past few months. The idea that no singular medication or treatment is a guarantee. The idea that this is a lifelong fight with something that cannot be seen on an X-ray or cut out with a laser.

A tweet from NY Times film critic Bilge Ebiri read, “You start off as a kid seeing Robin Williams as a funny man. You come of age realizing many of his roles are about keeping darkness at bay.” Creativity often comes from a very dark place, but it’s a spectacular way to hide the pain one might be feeling. It’s been documented that painters, playwrights, actors and comedians are all a bit ‘mad’ and that that madness allowed them to think in more unique and creative ways and that making people laugh may also very well be a method for self-medication.

Being human is complicated enough without the tangle and mess of mental illness in all its forms, and as someone who has fought the fight somewhat valiantly so far, I will continue to do the work, to tell my story, to bring awareness to those who do not otherwise understand the pain and fear associated with depression and suicide.

I will keep fighting as long as my body and mind let me.

I will continue to take care of myself and ask for help when I need it.

I hope we can all do the same.

“And being a fool, he was simple minded, he didn’t see a king. He only saw a man alone and in pain.” — Robin Williams, The Fisher King

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/Robin-Williams-Death-Personal-Depression-Patients#ixzz3AHLzz0M5

Statement made by Robin William’s wife Susan Schneider on 08/14/14:

“Robin spent so much of his life helping others. Whether he was entertaining millions on stage, film or television, our troops on the frontlines, or comforting a sick child — Robin wanted us to laugh and to feel less afraid.

Since his passing, all of us who loved Robin have found some solace in the tremendous outpouring of affection and admiration for him from the millions of people whose lives he touched. His greatest legacy, besides his three children, is the joy and happiness he offered to others, particularly to those fighting personal battles.

Robin’s sobriety was intact and he was brave as he struggled with his own battles of depression, anxiety as well as early stages of Parkinson’s Disease, which he was not yet ready to share publicly.

It is our hope in the wake of Robin’s tragic passing, that others will find the strength to seek the care and support they need to treat whatever battles they are facing so they may feel less afraid.”

I’m in a really good mood right now. Might have to do with the 3 pints of Three Heads The Kind (6.8% ABV) I had at dinner at Char.

I realized that I only write on this blog when I’m feeling super uber down (with the exception of that one post trying to convince both Hannah and her dad on something haha). I guess it’s a good way to track where I am and my progress on lpp and when I’m not on lpp. Remind me never to go off lpp. Dark places are envisioned that should never be brought to light.

They say that many people who have been addicted to drugs and alcohol in the past tend to go through these periods of depression which may in turn cause a relapse. Will it cause a relapse on my end? Probably not. I have no desire to return to that state of dependence even though I’m pretty much dependent on the lpp. Does that make me an addict? Yes. But an abuser? No… though perhaps I’m an abuser in a way because I consumed alcohol when on the lpp. But I’m in control. I limited myself to 3 beers because I knew I had to drive and my last beer was 1.5 hours before heading out. H₂0 kept my fancy till the end.

Do I have problems? Yes. Does anyone want to hear about my problems? Probably not which causes another problem. Everyone has their own problems. Such is life.

This is what makes me a lonely guy but in my 20s I was never such. What happened?

I’m still in a good mood…

Why am I so emotional?
No, it’s not a good look, gain some self-control
And deep down I know this never works
But you can lay with me so it doesn’t hurt

“… a lot of us do (get bummed) at certain times. You look at the world and go, ‘Whoa.’ Other moments you look and go, ‘Oh, things are okay.'” — Robin Williams

I guess I should probably stop texting first to see if others want to initiate conversation with me. I fear that when someone new comes into my life I get a little intensive when it comes to getting to know them. I fear that it is so much that it makes them shy away from me and then our conversations just keep getting shorter and shorter. I’ll do my best to open up and speak my mind only to get a few word responses after each text until it eventually just stops. And then I just step back into my shell until I’m ready to break-through again for another person. Most boring guy ever…

I miss my youth. I miss my youth terribly. I miss when we were young and you could meet someone during the summer and you’d just chill with that person the whole summer and develop a lasting friendship. The boys of summer… Now everyone is just so immersed into themselves.

Awkwardly, the best way to get to know me is unfortunately in writing, texting or e-mail. I have so much trouble trying to convey myself or articulate myself into words verbally. It would be nice also if I didn’t abruptly end conversations with people in the hopes that I don’t have to talk anymore to not sound stupid and unknowledgeable. It would also be nice if I wasn’t hard of hearing.

Let’s face it, my memory and reading retention is at an all-time low. Unless it’s a report in writing, good luck trying to get a summary of a certain book or current events orally. I seem to lose focus fast even when I’m reading things that I really like. I can’t seem to finish anything anymore. My downfall. I need someone to push me and get things out of me otherwise getting to know me truly will be a difficult task. Or maybe I just need to accept that I’m purely a failure. A failure at everything and everyone that comes across my path. Personal, not business.

I didn’t take my meds for 2 days and didn’t feel much different until this morning. I feel troubled by the fact that I need to rely on this little purple pill (lpp) to be taken daily in order to keep my mood stabilized and in good spirits. This lpp also helps me to be more productive and gives me motivation to be all that I can be as if I’m in the Army. I’ve been up and down most of this month and the last though I feel mostly up when I’m surrounded by people, mainly friends, and down when either alone or around strangers, other than clients. It’s mainly when I’m alone when the mask comes off and the worry and inner demons set in. My closest friends always seem to know when I’m having an off day if I’m hanging out with them on that specific day. I am hoping there will come a time that I can ween off of this lpp.

Who would want to get to know a mess like me?

I think people have a misconception of me. Sometimes I feel that people think that I spend money on others for people to like me which couldn’t be farther from the truth. If I have the money to spend, I like to share in the good times. If I buy dinner at a fancy restaurant, awesome!, maybe you can return the favor someday in the future. If not, oh well, at least we had a good time. I also like to help people if it’s truly for a worthy cause moreso individually rather than group. If it’s a group cause, I would rather volunteer my person than offer a monetary donation.

Maybe I should do some actual work at work for a change…